Friday, April 26, 2019

Need More Coffee - FF April 2019

Today’s post is this month’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday
of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants
submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture.
Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up
with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.

Funny Friday  150 X 150.jpg

Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by Dawn of Cognitive Script.
1. Oh come on, why is this thing not working?

2. Must be Monday for the pump too cause the gas still hasn't started and I've been
standing here forever.

3. Me sitting at the other pump giggling, she must need more coffee.

4. Okay I can't take it anymore, "Ma'am that pump is out of order."

5. She just continues to stand there, butt against the car, waiting for the gas. Oh well,
I tried, guess she'll be there a long time.

Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:
Baking In A Tornado   
Southern Belle Charm
The Bergham Chronicles

Friday, April 12, 2019

A Bad Day For Memories - April UYW

Welcome and thanks for stopping by today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them. 

There's a tale of a rabbit that has been wreaking havoc, if you're interested here's the last installment.
Sue sprawled out on the floor cold as a cucumber. Ted was in a state of shock and just stood there for a moment, then he called 911.
"Hello, this is 911 what is the emergency?"
Ted stammered, "uh um, well I heard my wife scream and something crashed. I came in and found her on the floor"
"Sir, is she conscious?"
"uh umm...I don't know." Sue moaned and reached up to touch her head.
"Never mind she's getting up I think." Ted hung up.
Bob said, "Ted don't you think she might need to see a doctor?"
Sue sat up, rubbed her head and turned her red glaring eyes on Ted. "DOCTOR?A! WHY because some stupid rabbit tripped me?! I swear if it is the last thing I do I'm going to kill that..." her voice trailed off. Mary had come over and was rubbing her hair, what does this crazy old woman think she is doing??? Mary smiled, "there there sweet girl, it will be all right you'll see." She had a distant look in her eyes.
Bob walked over and gently took Mary by the arm, he nodded to Ted. "We'll be seeing ya buddy, guess we should mosey on home."
As the screen door slammed shut, Sue sat up."Don't stand there like a buffoon, help me up!".
Helping her up, he did not think and spoke, "Sue what exactly happened?".
She snatched her arm from him, looked down at the broken bowl and floor. "What do think? I was making you a delicious cake for dessert. YOU fool, that damned rabbit is what happened. I was going to make more of my...well his food and he was by the counter, tripped me and I dropped it. Must have hit my head."
"Sue do you really think you can dupe the rabbit? I think he is the master of trickery here."
"Are you implying that the rabbit is SMARTER than I AM Ted?".
Oh crap, now he had done it. Poked the witch with her own broom. He watched as she stormed out of the room.

Later that evening he was listening to music with his headphones on and thinking about his neighbors. He wondered if Mary had dementia. It was such a sad disease. He sighed, he remembered his mother telling him that very diagnosis for his grandfather. The man he loved dearly and missed everyday, and whom Bob reminded him of. Looking up a book caught his attention on the shelf, he was not familiar with the font or color of the binder. Getting up and walking across the room, reaching for the book and about to pick it up when Sue burst into the room. "T E D! THAT IS IT!!!"

Your words are:
screen ~ delicious ~ dupe ~ font ~ headphones
It was submitted by:

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:
Baking In A Tornado             
Wandering Web Designer    
Cognitive Script                 
The Bergham Chronicles     
On the Border                        
Follow Me Home              
The Crazy Mama Llama       
Southern Belle Charm         
Bookworm in the Kitchen        
Stacy Sews and Schools                     

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Jokers Wild - poetry

Welcome to the April edition of collaborative bloggers picking a theme and writing poetry about that subject. It could be haiku, free verse, prose or anything they choose. This month the theme is HA! Jokes On You in honor of April Fool's Day which of course we know has passed but the subject matter was just too good to pass up. At the bottom of this post you'll find links to the others. Thank you for stopping by and have a great day!

Ode To The Prankster
He saw them sitting there
round and fat
but knew he should eat a pear
but there they sat

Picking up one
so light and fluffy
he would gain a ton
from one bite of the puffy

Oh sweet joy
the sugar
oh boy
wait is that a booger

His mind was playing tricks
no booger but a lump of sugar
ah yes, this one he would pick
and bite it now or sooner

What a surprise
not sweet at all but gooey inside
white cream oh no
it was mayo!

HA! The Jokes On You

Now, can you imagine, seeing your favorite cream filled donuts sitting on the table just waiting for you to devour one. You pick it up, take a bite and find it is filled with mayo??? OMG someone would tote a serious @$$ whooping! No joke. I'd be livid! And most likely throwing up too. Eww nasty.

Jokers Wild
April first is filled with pranks
jokers run wild at every turn
be careful what you eat or drink
you might wind up with a belly full of ink

Your favorite muffin
could be meatloaf in disguise
raspberry sauce is ketchup
and who knows what else is inside

Jokers are wild
every April
so beware what you're taking
I'm sure you'll be mistaking
all kinds of goodness for ewws inside

Thanks for stopping by and be sure to visit the other wonderfully talented bloggers who are participating. I try, I enjoy it but a poet I am not.

Friday, April 5, 2019

Oh To My Surprise - April SSS

I had just settled down and gotten all cozy in bed when I heard a banging noise. Must be the wind I thought. So I rolled over. Again with the banging, it kept getting louder and louder. Reaching over for my phone, because I was comfortable, I texted my husband. He was downstairs working on a project. Hearing his phone vibrate I realized it was plugged in on  the nightstand. Well dang it. I'd have to get up and go ask him to see what the noise was.
Getting up and donning my slippers and robe I head down the hall. BANG BANG BANG and a moaning sound. Oh dear lord what is that??? I panicked and called 911.
Hello, this is 911, what is your emergency?
I keep hearing a loud banging noise in my house and now I hear moaning! PLEASE I can't find my husband, send someone over!!! NOW!
Operator: ma'am, you say your husband is missing?
Worry about that later! SEND SOMEONE NOW I think someone is breaking in my house!
All the while, the banging continued, the moaning and I swear I heard my name.
After giving my address and promising to stay upstairs, yeah like i'm going down there, I waited.
Where was Bruce anyway? OH NO what if he encountered the burglar and was hurt!! OH NO my mind was frantic and I saw the lights flashing through the curtains.
Oh yes! The cops are here. So glad. I peeked out the curtains, of course, now all the neighbors are gathering outside. How embarrassing.
It took hours, well, actually more like 15 minutes and there stood my husband. Soaking wet, shivering and from the look on his face mad as hell.
There was an officer right behind him. "Ma'am, are you Mrs. Jenson?" 
Yes I am.
"And is this your husband?"
Yes it is.
The officer laughed, okay folks, have a nice evening. He turned to walk away and I hear rolls of laughter, there must be a dozen cops in my hallway.
WAIT! What is going on? I yelled.
The cop, trying to keep a straight face, said "Ma'am, the moaning was your husband you was about frozen outside in his shorts. The sprinkler was on and it is 20 degrees out side. The banging was him, he was locked outside. Without his phone and keys." more laughter.
I was so embarrassed.
OMG how had I forgotten, he took the trashcans to the curb. I didn't realize he was locked out, AND the sprinklers came on. Oh good grief. I know the neighbors will have a field day.
Sheepishly I got off the end of the bed, grabbed a towel and handed it to my husband.
I'm sorry?!
He looked at me. Walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
 THAT is how I woke up. The slamming of a door. I about jumped clean off the bed.BRUCE? I yelled.
From the bathroom I hear, "wait a minute".
When he came out and just looked at me. "What?" I said.
Really? That's all you have to say? "what?" all innocent like? he was clearly miffed.
Bruce, please, what is wrong. I was asleep and had the weirdest dream.
Please tell me all about it, he said in a very sarcastic tone.
I began telling him and he starts laughing.
I said, "wait, why are you laughing? Aren't you mad that in my dream I locked you out, sort of?"
No. I'm laughing because you were moaning and saying "officer please come now"!
OH MY WORD... where did his mind go?

Thanks Karen for the prompt. 

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 10 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope   
Cognitive Script                    
The Bergham Chronicles     
The Crazy Mama Llama        
Southern Belle Charm            
Bookworm in the Kitchen        
Stacy Sews and Schools           
You are home alone and just went to bed.  Suddenly you hear loud bangs coming from inside your home. You call the police and they investigate. When they finally knock on your bedroom door, they are laughing at you. When they show you what it is you are so embarrassed.
It was submitted by: