Friday, October 5, 2018

I Love Me - SSS

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 7 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado                   
The Lieber Family Blog    
The Bergham Chronicles                
The Blogging 911                      
Cognitive Script             
Never Ever Give Up Hope       

Your “Secret Subject” is:
Is it necessary to love yourself before you can love someone else? Why or why not?
It was submitted by:      

 The subject is, "is it necessary to love yourself before you can love someone else?"
 My answer is not a simple one. 
 For years I’ve put myself down and did not hold myself in a high regard at all. I was very self doubting, negative, and brutally self defeating.  
 I had a friend tell me that if I was as forgiving to myself as I was to others I would be in a better frame of mind. Why you ask, because I would forgive people in my life of offenses and wrongs that they had done me without any second thought. I would forgive their faults and their shortcomings even though most of them should have been red flags to an upcoming abusive relationship. To the point of forgiving abuse even though deep down I knew they were not sorry and it would happen again.  
 In not loving myself I loved others to an extreme. Almost smothering. Because   I was afraid that they would see me as I saw me, very unlovable and unloving, and they would leave.  
 I did not want to be alone or lonely. 
 Had I in fact loved myself the way I did them, I would have realized I did not need them. Not in an arrogant way but in a self preservation way. 
 I do believe that you need to take care of your self in more ways than just appearance. Sometimes we need a mental break from life, like a hot bath or sitting on the beach and watching the sunset. Maybe even watching videos of babies giggling on YouTube. Sometimes we need a physical break and we need to get away.  We need an emotional break and we need to take a hot shower and cry until we get it all out. Then we can look at things fresh and start over. In doing any or all of these  that is loving yourself and if I can do these things, like love myself it makes me free to love someone else without restrictions or unrealistic expectations. 
 I can love myself and I can love others with freedom when I am secure in myself and my abilities. It is not arrogant nor is it being selfish to take care of oneself and to love oneself. It is the highest form of a complement to love your self and freely give love and love others with realistic boundaries. 
 As a mom, the greatest gift I can give my children is to show them that it is okay to love yourself, take care of yourself and to love others with the same respect.
Thanks Jennily


  1. Amen! For most of us, like you, it takes time and maturity to get to this point, but it's the finally getting there that counts.

  2. So many people say "you can't really love someone else until you love yourself" and I really feel that. I don't think you can make something stable and long lasting maybe until you have the kind of self acceptance and self love that comes with age, but I think it's also kind of dangerous to tell people that. It almost comes across like if you struggle with yourself you don't deserve love, you know? And sometimes the very thing that can pull people out of darkness is the love and respect of another person even if it isn't a relationship. That's not really the intent of that kind of statement, but sometimes impact is bigger than intent, and I just wondered what other people thought. It's something I struggle with understanding myself.

  3. I think the first half of my life I was the exact same way. I've been married to my best friend the other half and he let's me everyday how special I am to him. Even though, I dream of one day taking a beach vacation by myself!


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