Friday, April 12, 2019

A Bad Day For Memories - April UYW

Welcome and thanks for stopping by today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them. 

There's a tale of a rabbit that has been wreaking havoc, if you're interested here's the last installment.
Sue sprawled out on the floor cold as a cucumber. Ted was in a state of shock and just stood there for a moment, then he called 911.
"Hello, this is 911 what is the emergency?"
Ted stammered, "uh um, well I heard my wife scream and something crashed. I came in and found her on the floor"
"Sir, is she conscious?"
"uh umm...I don't know." Sue moaned and reached up to touch her head.
"Never mind she's getting up I think." Ted hung up.
Bob said, "Ted don't you think she might need to see a doctor?"
Sue sat up, rubbed her head and turned her red glaring eyes on Ted. "DOCTOR?A! WHY because some stupid rabbit tripped me?! I swear if it is the last thing I do I'm going to kill that..." her voice trailed off. Mary had come over and was rubbing her hair, what does this crazy old woman think she is doing??? Mary smiled, "there there sweet girl, it will be all right you'll see." She had a distant look in her eyes.
Bob walked over and gently took Mary by the arm, he nodded to Ted. "We'll be seeing ya buddy, guess we should mosey on home."
As the screen door slammed shut, Sue sat up."Don't stand there like a buffoon, help me up!".
Helping her up, he did not think and spoke, "Sue what exactly happened?".
She snatched her arm from him, looked down at the broken bowl and floor. "What do think? I was making you a delicious cake for dessert. YOU fool, that damned rabbit is what happened. I was going to make more of my...well his food and he was by the counter, tripped me and I dropped it. Must have hit my head."
"Sue do you really think you can dupe the rabbit? I think he is the master of trickery here."
"Are you implying that the rabbit is SMARTER than I AM Ted?".
Oh crap, now he had done it. Poked the witch with her own broom. He watched as she stormed out of the room.

Later that evening he was listening to music with his headphones on and thinking about his neighbors. He wondered if Mary had dementia. It was such a sad disease. He sighed, he remembered his mother telling him that very diagnosis for his grandfather. The man he loved dearly and missed everyday, and whom Bob reminded him of. Looking up a book caught his attention on the shelf, he was not familiar with the font or color of the binder. Getting up and walking across the room, reaching for the book and about to pick it up when Sue burst into the room. "T E D! THAT IS IT!!!"

Your words are:
screen ~ delicious ~ dupe ~ font ~ headphones
It was submitted by:  https://followmehome.shellybean.com

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:
Baking In A Tornado                       https://www.bakinginatornado.com
Wandering Web Designer              https://wanderingwebdesigner.com/blog
Cognitive Script                           https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com
The Bergham Chronicles               https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/
On the Border                             https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/     
Follow Me Home                        https://followmehome.shellybean.com
The Crazy Mama Llama                 https://www.thecrazymamallama.com/
Climaxed                                    https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com 
Southern Belle Charm                   https://www.southernbellecharm.com
Bookworm in the Kitchen                 https://www.bookwormkitchen.com/ 
Stacy Sews and Schools                  https://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/             

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Jokers Wild - poetry

Welcome to the April edition of collaborative bloggers picking a theme and writing poetry about that subject. It could be haiku, free verse, prose or anything they choose. This month the theme is HA! Jokes On You in honor of April Fool's Day which of course we know has passed but the subject matter was just too good to pass up. At the bottom of this post you'll find links to the others. Thank you for stopping by and have a great day!

Ode To The Prankster
He saw them sitting there
round and fat
but knew he should eat a pear
but there they sat

Picking up one
so light and fluffy
he would gain a ton
from one bite of the puffy

Oh sweet joy
the sugar
oh boy
wait is that a booger

His mind was playing tricks
no booger but a lump of sugar
ah yes, this one he would pick
and bite it now or sooner

What a surprise
not sweet at all but gooey inside
white cream oh no
it was mayo!

HA! The Jokes On You

Now, can you imagine, seeing your favorite cream filled donuts sitting on the table just waiting for you to devour one. You pick it up, take a bite and find it is filled with mayo??? OMG someone would tote a serious @$$ whooping! No joke. I'd be livid! And most likely throwing up too. Eww nasty.

Jokers Wild
April first is filled with pranks
jokers run wild at every turn
be careful what you eat or drink
you might wind up with a belly full of ink

Your favorite muffin
could be meatloaf in disguise
raspberry sauce is ketchup
and who knows what else is inside

Jokers are wild
every April
so beware what you're taking
I'm sure you'll be mistaking
all kinds of goodness for ewws inside

Thanks for stopping by and be sure to visit the other wonderfully talented bloggers who are participating. I try, I enjoy it but a poet I am not.

https://www.bakinginatornado.com/2019/04/the-jokes-on-you-april-poetry.html
http://www.clutteredgenius.com/?p=9965
https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/2019/04/brother-of-joke.html

Friday, April 5, 2019

Oh To My Surprise - April SSS

I had just settled down and gotten all cozy in bed when I heard a banging noise. Must be the wind I thought. So I rolled over. Again with the banging, it kept getting louder and louder. Reaching over for my phone, because I was comfortable, I texted my husband. He was downstairs working on a project. Hearing his phone vibrate I realized it was plugged in on  the nightstand. Well dang it. I'd have to get up and go ask him to see what the noise was.
Getting up and donning my slippers and robe I head down the hall. BANG BANG BANG and a moaning sound. Oh dear lord what is that??? I panicked and called 911.
Hello, this is 911, what is your emergency?
I keep hearing a loud banging noise in my house and now I hear moaning! PLEASE I can't find my husband, send someone over!!! NOW!
Operator: ma'am, you say your husband is missing?
Worry about that later! SEND SOMEONE NOW I think someone is breaking in my house!
All the while, the banging continued, the moaning and I swear I heard my name.
After giving my address and promising to stay upstairs, yeah like i'm going down there, I waited.
Where was Bruce anyway? OH NO what if he encountered the burglar and was hurt!! OH NO my mind was frantic and I saw the lights flashing through the curtains.
Oh yes! The cops are here. So glad. I peeked out the curtains, of course, now all the neighbors are gathering outside. How embarrassing.
It took hours, well, actually more like 15 minutes and there stood my husband. Soaking wet, shivering and from the look on his face mad as hell.
There was an officer right behind him. "Ma'am, are you Mrs. Jenson?" 
Yes I am.
"And is this your husband?"
Yes it is.
The officer laughed, okay folks, have a nice evening. He turned to walk away and I hear rolls of laughter, there must be a dozen cops in my hallway.
WAIT! What is going on? I yelled.
The cop, trying to keep a straight face, said "Ma'am, the moaning was your husband you was about frozen outside in his shorts. The sprinkler was on and it is 20 degrees out side. The banging was him, he was locked outside. Without his phone and keys." more laughter.
I was so embarrassed.
OMG how had I forgotten, he took the trashcans to the curb. I didn't realize he was locked out, AND the sprinklers came on. Oh good grief. I know the neighbors will have a field day.
Sheepishly I got off the end of the bed, grabbed a towel and handed it to my husband.
I'm sorry?!
He looked at me. Walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
 THAT is how I woke up. The slamming of a door. I about jumped clean off the bed.BRUCE? I yelled.
From the bathroom I hear, "wait a minute".
When he came out and just looked at me. "What?" I said.
Really? That's all you have to say? "what?" all innocent like? he was clearly miffed.
Bruce, please, what is wrong. I was asleep and had the weirdest dream.
Please tell me all about it, he said in a very sarcastic tone.
I began telling him and he starts laughing.
I said, "wait, why are you laughing? Aren't you mad that in my dream I locked you out, sort of?"
No. I'm laughing because you were moaning and saying "officer please come now"!
OH MY WORD... where did his mind go?

Thanks Karen for the prompt. 



Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 10 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado                           https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Cognitive Script                           https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com   
The Bergham Chronicles               https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/
The Crazy Mama Llama                  https://www.thecrazymamallama.com/
Climaxed                                      https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com/        
Southern Belle Charm                    https://www.southernbellecharm.com  
Bookworm in the Kitchen                 https://www.bookwormkitchen.com/ 
Stacy Sews and Schools                   https://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/  
You are home alone and just went to bed.  Suddenly you hear loud bangs coming from inside your home. You call the police and they investigate. When they finally knock on your bedroom door, they are laughing at you. When they show you what it is you are so embarrassed.
It was submitted by: https://www.bookwormkitchen.com/


Friday, March 29, 2019

Oktoberfest Shenanigans FF - March 2019

Five captions from 5 bloggers for the same photo, that's how this works. Hope you find
it humorous.
Funny Friday, March 2019


Today’s post is this month’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of
every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants
submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture.
Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up
with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.


Funny Friday  150 X 150.jpg


Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by Dawn of Cognitive Script. (yep that's me, a LONG
LONG LONG time ago)
1. Daddy Look at the funny lady, what's she doing?


2. Give me your hand son, keep walking, turn around, don't look at her.


3. Being an American at the Oktoberfest celebration is not all it's cracked up to be.


4. Here, drink this beer they said, it will be fun they said. Oh yeah I'm having a blast.


5. Just put your head through the big hole, then your hands in the two beside your head,
now let's get a picture. "HEY WHERE are you going? Get back here!" Dirty double crossing
bag thief.


Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:

Baking In A Tornado             https://www.bakinginatornado.com
Southern Belle Charm         https://www.southernbellecharm.com
Cognitive Script               https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com
The Bergham Chronicles     https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com

Friday, March 15, 2019

That Rascally Rabbit Strikes Again - March UYW

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇
There stood Ted in a daze with his cola in his hand wondering if he should cancel his 3 o'clock massage appointment. Sue was coming in through the garage door when he saw it. That damn rabbit, he secretly hoped she would not see him or he'd get away. Sue had been planting her "concoction" all over the yard and in the bushes hoping to do away with him for good as she liked to say.

He was kinda used to him and he was a big pain in the ass but he was starting to feel sorry for the guy. Oh he could hold his own against Sue, he had proven that so far. A robust fellow as grandpa would have said.

Suddenly there was a knock at the patio door...what in the world?! WHO could be knocking on that door? You'd have to be in the backyard and there was no access except from inside the house or garage. Both Ted and Sue stood there for a moment, then she snapped out of it and in true Sue fashion said "oh for crying out loud Ted don't just stand there doing nothing like a worthless lump". Geez she had a way of making him feel so special these days. He was beginning to wonder what he ever saw in her to begin with and what she saw in him? It sure didn't feel like love anymore.

He turned and followed her through the kitchen to the dining room toward the French doors leading to the patio. What the...it was their neighbors Bob and Mary. Sue turned slightly to roll her eyes in Ted's direction. He smiled an apology for what he wasn't sure.

Waving his hand frantically, Bob yelled through the glass "HEY your rabbit was in our yard" as he put his hand on the knob to try and come in. Oh good lord Ted thought, Sue might feed him her rabbit demise concoction!

Sue, exhaling with obvious irritation, turned the knob, held her place in the doorway and said in very if not overly stern voice "IT is NOT our rabbit Bob thank you very much", Bob chuckled and said "oh well excuse me Missy but I beg to differ, you the one feeding him in the bushes" as he brushed her aside and walked into the house.

Mary followed suit and they went straight to the kitchen and pulled out the stools at the island and sat down like they had done it a thousand times before.

Following them Ted heard Sue cussing under her breath "who do these two old coots think they are walking right in my house and making themselves at home I've a good mind to..."
holy shit Batman she was pissed. Ted did the unthinkable and said "Hey Bob old  buddy why don't we go outside and sit a spell, Mary you too" and he gently led them back outside.
Well that was the first decent thing he had done in weeks Sue thought, now how to get rid of them for good too?

Bob crossed his spindly legs and said "Ted let me shed some light on the subject of being neighborly or illuminate you as the kids say today. When I was growing up we lived on a farm about 25 miles from town. We'd go in once a month and gather supplies that we didn't grow ourselves, you know, flour, sugar, shotgun shells and other stuff like that there. We were thrilled when one of our neighbors rolled up on our land, it meant a break, sit a spell, visit, talk, something that has gone out of fashion these days and might, no does need to be revived. I see you and your misses and y'all don't seem to happy with life in general. Always yelling at squirrels, trying to kill that rabbit, cutting eyes at each other like enemies. Let me ask you a question Ted. Why did y'all get married in the first place? I know we don't know each other well and it might be overstepping but I hate to see young folks like yourselves so unhappy. There is too much going on to be unhappy, life is short and if you don't think so, wait a few more years and your boy will be driving and you'll hardly ever see him. Then you'll wonder where the time went." Taking a breath he looked out toward the tree line, he spotted the rabbit and gave a chuckle. Hopefully Sue would not find out he removed her poison and replaced it with feed. It was a faulty plan to begin with.

Ted said "Bob you remind me of my grandfather, he sighed, and I miss him. He used to say we all need to live in one cord with one another or something like that. He was a farmer and Sue hates the country, I'll be honest, I'm not sure why we got married. I mean, I was sure when it happened, but lately a lot has changed. We do yell, we argue, she is just so mad all the time. shaking his head he said, Bob I just don't know."

As if on cue, Sue emerged from the house and bellowed "TED", he looked up, sighed and went to see what he had done wrong now, besides breathing that is.

Bob looked at Mary, he reached for her hand. She smiled and said "I'm so glad we learned a long time ago to let the worries of the world go and enjoy each other and life. I think they need to do that as well." Bob squeezed her and and smiled. Oh she was so right.

Ted went to Sue and said "yes dear, what do I need to do?" She glared at him and said "GET RID of them! I have things to do and it is not entertain a couple of old people." Ted flinched, damn that was harsh, they were really nice and he was actually having a nice time until she came out that was. She cocked her head sideways and looked at him with great scrutiny, "are you actually enjoying talking with them?" He felt embarrassed and scared but replied, "yes Sue I am" she laughed that laugh which sounded like the witch from The Wizard of Oz. He flinched, she laughed again and walked off. 

As he was returning to the guest, they heard it, they all heard it.

BAM CRASH Screams like the undead coming from the kitchen. Running they all got there to find Sue on the floor, covered in a white powder, a broken bowl next to her, and rabbit tracks leading out the garage door.

Bob said "well that rascally rabbit strikes again."

🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.  

Your words are:
cola ~ illuminate ~ massage ~ robust ~ cord ~ faulty
It was submitted by: https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com     

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:
Baking In A Tornado                       https://www.bakinginatornado.com
Cognitive Script                           https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com
Southern Belle Charm                 https://www.southernbellecharm.com  
The Bergham Chronicles               https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/
On the Border                             https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/     
The Crazy Mama Llama                     https://thecrazymamallama.com
Part-time Working Hockey Mom         https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/  
Climaxed                                   https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com   
Follow Me Home                        https://followmehome.shellybean.com   

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

So Long To The Cold - poetry

This month our poetry challenge theme is Bye Bye Winter because we are all sick and tired of this mess. I know, it's not Spring yet and we know that, but some (Karen and Maryls) have been eyeball deep in snow for far too long. Our winter has been mild but good land amighty it has rained more than it has done anything else and I'm just about done with it to be honest.

Here is my feeble attempt at poetry once again and links to the other participants.


So Long To The Cold
So long cold weather
nasty wet and windy days
miss you,  I will not

Bye Bye Winter
Bye Bye Old Man Winter
You've overstayed your welcome
Please call before returning
as we may not be accepting your visits

Welcome home Spring
ah I see you brought Mr Pollen with you
green green
sniffle sneeze

Out with the old
In with the new
AA AA CHOO


Karen over at Baking In A Tornado : https://www.bakinginatornado.com/2019/03/bye-bye-winter-march-poetry.html
Lydia over at Cluttered Genius : http://www.clutteredgenius.com/?p=9902

Friday, March 8, 2019

No Longer Friends -March SSS

Have you ever had a friend for YEARS and all of a sudden you're not? I have. It is devastating. seriously. Not once but twice I have had this happen.

My friend...we'll say Monique, we had been friends for over 20 years. Our husbands were friends, her kids babysat my kids, we went to church together, shopping together, damn we even went on vacation together a few times.
Then one day there was a misunderstanding about when I would be at her house to clean for her. She had become disabled and I was cleaning for her every week. I couldn't make it and had phoned to schedule a different time. She misunderstood and next thing I know. BAM! No phone calls, no return calls. No email returns and then her husband contacts me and says I am blocked and for me to NO LONGER come around or call.
WTH are you kidding me?
I returned his email and explained my side of what happened. He said he was siding with his wife and that she no longer wanted to hear from me.
She even told mutual friends that they could not mention my name in her presence any longer.
One mutual friend is a licensed counselor, she has in the past offered to mediate but she refuses.
There is nothing else I can do. I  worried over it, fretted, fussed, prayed and was battling migraine headaches for a while and one day decided enough was enough. I let it go. It saddens me on occasion if I think about it too long but it is what it is.

People are put in our lives for different reasons and different seasons.


Your “Secret Subject” is:
If one of your closest friends made it obvious that he/she no longer wants to have a relationship would you pursue it to find out why?
It was submitted by: https://batteredhope.blogspot.com 

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 9 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado                           https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Cognitive Script                           https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com   
Southern Belle Charm                 https://www.southernbellecharm.com  
The Bergham Chronicles               https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/    
The Crazy Mama Llama                  https://thecrazymamallama.com
Part-time Working Hockey Mom        https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
Climaxed                                   https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com